The Peculiarities of Mr Sherlock Holmes
by Ink Spotz
Summary: Sherlock Holmes is the world's only consulting detective with one of the brightest minds the world has ever known. He seems to have the answer to everything, so what doesn't the great detective know? What are the peculiarities of that brilliant man? (Compilation of short stories)
1. Chapter 1 - Texting Symbols

"John, what do you mean by signing your texts with, LOL?" asked Sherlock as he walked into the kitchen where John was brewing himself some tea. Sherlock had his mobile in his hand, the light from the screen lighting up the shadows on his face.

John looked up from the tea that he was making, raising a brow at him.

"What do you mean?" asked John.

Sherlock sighed as he started to read John's text. "You wrote, 'When do you ever buy the milk? LOL.'"

"You don't know what LOL means?" asked John.

"It looks like you just put the word loll at the end of the text, minus an L," stated Sherlock.

"It's an abbreviation, Sherlock," said John, pouring himself some tea.

"For what?" asked Sherlock. " 'Loyalty Over Lies'?"

He chuckled, "No, it stands for Laugh Out Loud."

"Laugh Out Loud? That's stupid. You're sending a virtual laugh?" asked Sherlock. "That's preposterous!"

"For someone that's a genius, you don't know much about texting lingo, do you?"

"Texting lingo?"

John shook his head, a small smile on his face as he walked past Sherlock and into the other room, sitting in his chair with the tea cup.

"Yes, lingo. In other words, you don't know the texting slang, do you?"

Sherlock walked into the other room too, sinking into his chair.

"I know a lot, so why junk up my brain with something so utterly useless?"

"It's not useless, Sherlock. It saves time where texting is concerned. Are you telling me that you actually type out everything in a text and don't use abbreviations?"

"Of course," said Sherlock, pretending to be insulted. "If a thought is worth sharing with another human being, why share it half-heartedly?"

"Geez, Sherlock. It's just a text, not a letter," said John. "It's not a crime to use them. Like it's not a crime to use laughing faces, hearts, and smiley faces."

"What?" asked Sherlock, laughing slightly. "What do you mean?"

John placed the tea cup aside, digging out his mobile. He made his fingers fly across the keys, soon showing Sherlock the screen. His crystal blue eyes read the small, digital writing.

_'Sherlock doesn't know texting lingo. LOL xD'_

"Now you understand what LOL stands for, the x and d after it make a picture of a laughing face."

Sherlock studied it, inclining his head to the side slightly.

"You know what's funny? The fact that you think an X and D combined makes a laughing face."

"Well, it does. Can't you see it?"

"You're saying, as you said, Laugh out Loud X D. What? Are X and D abbreviations for people?"

"Sherlock, it's just suppose to make a picture!" stated John, wondering what he had just gotten himself into.

"If it makes any picture, it's not a laughing face. It reminds me of the face of someone who died," said Sherlock, sitting back. "Like in those cartoons, when a cartoon character dies, their eyes becoming Xs."

"Geez, Sherlock..." John sighed, turning his mobile screen to face him again. He proceeded to start texting again. "Let me show you how to text a heart. Maybe you'll understand that one better."

"I'm a high-functioning sociopath, John..."

"Just let me try," muttered John.

Sherlock leaned back in his seat, crossing his legs as John looked at his mobile, waiting for him to start talking again.

"When you like someone, and want to say that you love them, you place the greater than symbol next to the three like this," said John, doing the action and flipping the screen to show him the heart.

"That makes no sense," muttered Sherlock, staring at the mobile.

"Of course it does. Don't you see the picture?" asked John.

"Yes, of course I do. I'm not blind. It's just, if you think about what you're texting... Look, in your case, you're saying, 'I love you. See you soon, greater than three.'"

"Sherlock, you aren't suppose to look at it in its literal sense. You're suppose to look at the picture."

"Right, so just because it looks like a heart, I'm suppose to ignore it's actual implications. So if a restaurant was on fire, it's okay to just let it burn because the colors of the flame are pretty?"

John ran his hand over his face. He knew that trying to teach Sherlock texting lingo would end up like this.

"What does a burning restaurant have to do with this heart?"

"It says greater than three, John. I can't get over that. You're saying your love for this person is only greater than three."

"For goodness sakes, it's a bloody heart. See, that's a heart just like this is a smiley face," said John, typing in a smiley face into his phone.

"It's not a smiley face, John. It means colon parenthesis. That makes even less sense. What does that have to do with anything? It's like you're saying, 'I'm so happy to see you that I'm attaching a colon parenthesis to this text'."

John clapped his hands over his face in frustration, shaking his head. Leave it to Sherlock to dissect _everything_.

* * *

**AN: Thinking of making this a series of short stories. If you want more, please let me know. :) I hope you enjoyed this. **


	2. Chapter 2 - Auto Correct

John smiled softly as the door to home, to 221B Baker Street, became visible as he rounded the corner. He was exhausted from the day that he had just endured. He lumbered up the steps to the flat, hoping for some peace and quiet. Hopefully a case would appear soon. He knew Sherlock must be getting bored out of his mind in desperation for one. He had to admit himself that a case sounded pretty wonderful right now.

As he pushed open the door and entered the flat, he was surprised to see Sherlock sitting in his chair, starting down at his mobile. He had assumed that Sherlock, in the bored state he might have been in, might have gotten lost in his mind palace. He was actually surprised to see that he was engrossed in an electronic. He slowly walked toward Sherlock after he had shut the flat door.

"Sherlock, what are you doing?"

"Trying to see who has the better wits," said Sherlock, staring at his mobile, transfixed.

"Sherlock, I don't understand..."

"I'm going to try to send you a text..." muttered Sherlock, his fingers tapping the keys.

"Okay..." said John slowly, digging out his mobile to look at the screen, still not sure what was going on.

"John, see! Come look at this!"

He walked over to Sherlock and leaned over his shoulder as he gestured at the mobile screen.

"I was trying to send you a text that read, 'John, I'm such a clever man.' As I typed it, it changed it to, 'John, I'm such a cleaver man.' _Cleaver, _John! I'm not a meat pounding manic; I'm a high-functioning sociopath!"

"Sherlock..." John said slowly, still confused by what was going on. "You're yelling at your mobile..."

Sherlock let out an exasperated sigh, rising from his chair to march toward the kitchen, placing the mobile back into his pant pocket.

"I'm not yelling at my mobile, John. I'm just exasperated by how stupid it's acting. Technology is supposedly suppose to be helpful; it's suppose to make normal humans brilliant. So why, on this bloody earth, does it correct clever to cleaver?"

John leaned in the doorway to the kitchen as he watched Sherlock pour himself of coffee. Judging from the lack of steam that came from the liquid as he poured it in his cup, it meant it was the coffee that John had made that morning before he left. He could see that Sherlock was evidently still brewing about the mobile's stupidity.

"Sherlock, it's called auto correct..." said John, as he stared at his best friend, wondering what had gotten into him.

"They should call it auto wrong!" said Sherlock, slamming the coffee mug he had just filled onto the counter.

"Sherlock, are you alright?..."

"John, I counted. I kept a record!"

Sherlock reached on the counter behind him and slammed a notebook against John's chest as he walked over to him. Raising a brow, John held the notebook in his hands and started to flip through the pages of the notebook. He looked at Sherlock's scrawled print in the notebook, going over all the notes he had taken.

"It corrected bought to brought. It corrected thorough to through. It even corrected chicken to children! How does it even do that?" asked Sherlock, gazing irritatedly into his coffee.

"Sherlock, it's a machine..."

"Yes, but if you make something out to be so wonderful, and even go so far as to name it auto correct, don't you think it should be somewhat clever?"

"Sherlock...you're really bored..."

"And that's another thing, I tried to text you that I was bored, and it corrected it to board! Like the floor board! That doesn't even make the slightest sense! Since when did I become a piece of wood?"

John ran a hand down his face with a sigh.

"Sherlock, it's auto correct."

"Auto wrong, John! Auto wrong!"

Sherlock reached into his pocket for his mobile again, typing another text.

"Again! You do it to me again!"

"What's wrong now, Sherlock?"

"It auto corrected my name, John! My name! My name is not two words! It's not 'Sure Lock', it's Sherlock!"

John chuckled, somewhat amused by Sherlock's obvious display of frustration.

"What's say I try to find you a case, Sherlock, before you completely lose it?" asked John as he moved back into the main room and toward the desk to sit in front of his laptop.

"_I _haven't lost anything! This mobile on the other hand," said Sherlock waving the mobile in the air as he re-entered the room and flopped into his chair once more; the coffee cup he had filled in the kitchen forgotten, "is the thing that has lost it!"

John bit his lip to keep from giggling again as he turned his laptop on to start looking for a case. John started to scan through the requests that they had received that day with Sherlock shouting abuse at his mobile in the background.


End file.
